A beautiful life

She was born out of a world of pain and misery, trials and tribulations. During the time her birth, she had to endure the pain of what felt like thousand searing needles. And then finally it was over and she had finally arrived. She was not treated with any degree of respect. She was thrown to the side like a worthless entity. No one gave a damn about her.

From when she could remember, she was just a show piece. Lined up in front of a cheap store, she would fight for attention with others of her kind. It was a severe life, but it was survival. Some people would pass without even batting an eyelid. Others would just gawk at her and pass on by. Nobody gave her a look that showed compassion and love if only for a fraction of a second. Every night, she would be locked up in a damp creepy shed crawling with god forsaken insects and no lights. She would shiver her way through the night, never catching sleep for days at a stretch until she finally passed out of sheer exhaustion.

And then one day, a kind lady showed some interest on her. After taking a long look at her, the lady asked, "How much." I'll give her to you for this sum. It embarasses me(me - as in the author) to disclose this paltry sum to you. But the lady after some haggling which I was shocked to see, paid up and picked her up in her arms. That was the first human touch she had felt in a long time.

Thereafter her life changed. The lady would take her everywhere with her. She even introduced her to her modest friends who were all praise about her. She felt wanted and looked after for the first time in her life. She even blushed when they complemented her on her appearance. The house was by no means a palace, but it was adequate to satisfy her modest requirements. The lady would always glance it her lovingly every once in a while and pet her. She was looked after well and had nothing to complain.

And then one day, she noticed to her dismay the lady, who by this time, she started regarding as her own mother walked in with someone else. And that was it. The next day she was thrown into the gutter. After the sewer dogs had a go at tearing her apart just for the fun of it, she was left there to rot. It was a good year before the garbage dumpster picked her up and threw her into a huge pile of a recycling unit. And just before she entered the jaws of the crusher, she uttered a silent prayer to God thanking Him for her existence; a chance to to be and experience this life on Earth if only as a pair of cheap hand sewn ladies' slippers. She could only hope for another chance to visit Earth although she knew the chances were slim.

If a pair of stereotype ill-treated slippers found life worth living and thanked the Lord at the end of it all, what are you complaining about, Idiot! Go out there and live your life to the fullest. You only have one on this Earth.

Round and Round

John was an ordinary kid. In fact, there was nothing about him that was worth noticing. Even his name was the same as one out of five people in the US of A. If only his parents had named him a Joaquin or a Jabeel or a Jason, things might have been a tad better perhaps.

He just blended into the milieu without any effort. When he was four years old, his parents decided to take him to the local fair. They drove all the way to the fair in their brand new car. They walked up the ticket counter and asked for two and half tickets.

"Why do you need the extra half Sir?", enquired the polite guy behind the counter. It was only then that they realized that they had actually left John at home. And they had thought he was with them all the time.

This was not the only time he had faced this problem. There were umpteen number of times during his teenage when his friends had actually made plans without including him. They would always meet up at the local coffee shop before proceeding to their destination from there. They would invariably leave without him. Not because they did not care for him; he was after all a long time friend. But they just didn't notice he wasn't there. Not a very comfortable position for our protagonist you say. And you would be right.

After twenty years of this treatment meted out to him, John could bear it no longer. It was not that he was dumb or anything. He was a kid of about average IQ. He was modest looking. His height and weight fell right in the median of the height and weight distribution chart of America's teenage provided by the local health department. But that was the crux the problem.

One day he started to do something out of the ordinary. He wanted to prove to the world that he could do something different. Heck, he wanted to do it to prove to it himself. And he started walking in a circle. At first it was a large circle and he was just walking at an easy pace. Once he got into the groove, he started speeding up. Faster and faster he went. It was a heady feeling. He felt a little out of balance, but at this point it was getting interesting. He could feel the tug of the centrifugal force trying to throw him off course. But he kept at it determinedly. And then he did something utterly unthinkable. He started spiraling towards towards the centre of the circle going faster and faster at the same time. He was now 'high' with the centrifugal force. It was an unimaginable high that you and me cannot comprehend. And he kept at this for a long time. Until his legs could take it no longer. When he finally collapsed on the ground, this return to reality was a wonderful if painful feeling.

And that was the beginning of John 'The Centrifugal' Junkie. Whenever he got the time or the inclination, he got into his habit of doing the circle. At first, he friend's were shocked, even stupefied. But, finally notice they did of him. And what a feeling it was to be noticed. Gradually, everybody in the neighbourhood started talking about him. Crowds used to gather around to spectate this curious if bizarre incident everyday. Then the news spread to school and everybody was talking about 'The Centrifugal Junkie'. He was unstoppable phenomenon. He could go on for hours on end without food or a nature's call. It was amazing, the determination of this lad.

And then someone suggested to him, why just do circles. So he started trying out squares, rectangles, Pentagons, and Hexagons. As he got bolder, he started to experiment with irregular polygons, twisted circles, and shapes we don't even have names for. John tried it all. After days of experimenting on various shapes in the two dimensions, he looked for uneven land like slopes of hills, so that he could add the third dimension to his experiments. When he thought he had done it all, he went back to his beloved circle. He knew that he had finally found his true calling.

And that my friends, is the end of this delightful story of determination, fighting against all odds, sheer grit, rising up from the ashes and to conquer the world, and more importantly discovering one's free spirit, and above all giving vent to one's innate creativity.

"If the entire world wants to go right, and you want to go left, go left. No need to make a big fuss about it. Just go, its very simple."
- Sotiri, Yanni's father

This T-shirt just cracked me up

Get a load of this T-shirt. Its absolutely gross, but it cracks me up.

Click here.