Musings ...

"What is life if not just a series of memorable moments..."

"Life is not measured by how many breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away."

"What is the use of living to be eighty years old, if you can't enjoy the present the way you want to."

"Don't forget to enjoy the journey while you pursue a destination."

While I don't claim to have said any of these, I need to keep reminding myself every once in a while that these are the only wise sayings that really matter in life. Cheers to that!

Random Ramblings

Hmm... Having nothing to write about means only one of two things.
a. Nothing worth writing about is happening in my life. Thats a depressing thought.
b. I have lost the flair/enthusiasm to write. A tad better than the first but still bad.

Need to retrospect. Every once in a while you see days are slipping by and you have nothing to show for it, by that I mean fond memories. Having bad memories from a period is also good, because it means you learnt something along the way and have something to take back. Having nothing is like a black hole. You never want to be there. Even the poorest person who has nothing to eat has a story to tell. But what story does a middling average individual (can such a person be called an individual) have to tell. Worse, who would be interested even if he did. Never be in the middle, never be the usual, the common, the mundane. Its just not worth it. Maybe its comfortable.

My mom and I had a discussion the other day. Everyone wants to get into that groove. To settle into a rhythm. No disturbances. Like smooth flow. Predictable. You can sum it up in an equation with a few variables. No corner cases. No instabilities. Pah! What fun is that. You need ups and downs. Sine waves, like the heart beat, it is rhythmic, but it still has its crests and troughs. That makes life interesting. Unpredictable, change, highs, lows - what have you.

Turbulent flow does not have an equation. It only has an approximation at best.

When you have nothing to do, you think of something depressing. Instead of the opposite. That defines the type of person you are. Your natural tendency. You don't strive to be depressing. Its just who you are. I try to surround myself with people who swing towards the positive. That helps you keep a positive frame of mind.

Lethargy -
Not wanting to do anything. Just stay in bed and not even sleep. But just lie there. Its a horrible feeling. Unless you have had a very tiring week. Never be in that position. Jump out of bed and dance. Sing a song. Tell a joke. Scream out loud. Get rid of that sloth that will eat you up like a cancer.

Enough self gyaan. Don't you have nothing better to do than to be sitting in front of a computer in your cubicle on a Friday night and typing out this nonsense. Point! Publish Post. Exit... Pfft...

Oh, but to create!

I think the biggest rush of all is to see something that you create succeed. To put a rare brainstorm or light bulb flash into practice and to give it shape and to finally see that it works and well at that; nothing gets better than that. It is hardly surprising to see that parents are overjoyed when they see their kids doing well for themselves. After all, we are our parents' creation.

I was watching this episode a couple of days ago on Discovery channel. Its called smash labs. And yes it has to do with smashing up things, and no, you don't get paid for going at things with a baseball bat or a iron rod. (Notice how I say baseball instead of our desi cricket bat, but I despise cricket in any case, so ...). But the point here was to try and prevent destruction from happening. The challenge in the particular episode was to come up with a solution to help the occupants of a 3 tonne car somehow survive a crash from a 300 tonne moving train doing around 40-50 kmph during collision.

You think air bags and you would be right. Put one in front of the train to cushion the impact of the train on the car parked right in the centre of the track. Sounds trickier than you think. Here are a few problems with that:

1. What material to choose. It should take a lot of strain from the pressure of the impact and not rip apart and yet it should be flexible enough to absorb a large part of the impact. It should also have the ability to be compactly packed when not inflated. After considering rubber tyres, basketballs, buoys and white water raft materials, they went with the raft material.

2. How to inflate the air bag quick enough like say 3-5 seconds before impact, since thats how long the train driver has to trigger the mechanism. A tube pump wont do it. And using a highly compressed cylinder of gas wont cut it since the gas rapidly cools on expansion and freezes the raft material making it brittle. So the went for a system which simultaneously sucks in air from outside along with highly compressed gas from a cylinder to keep the gas from cooling off too fast.

3. Air has to be let out on impact to absorb the shock or the Gs. Air valves to release air didn't work. They were too slow and the bag just ripped apart at the seam. So they went for pressure caps which would blow off above a certain pressure much like the safety valve of the cooker. But getting them to blow off at the right pressure is the tricky part. You don't want it to blow off when the bag is getting inflated. That would defeat the entire purpose.

4. How to strap the bag to the train so that they would not be any loose ends. Any weakness at the seams could cause the bags to blow up prematurely during inflation itself and much before the collision.

They also came up with the novel idea of actually pushing the car off to the side with a fulcrum mechanism to minimize the blow instead of taking it head on. Their were several other finer details but even I am beginning to realize that this piece is becoming a bit tiresome. So I'll omit the rest.

In spite of all the preparation, there were a lot of unknowns. But this design managed to cut down from 8Gs to almost 4Gs the force of impact. This was a huge achievement. Towards the end, as the car got pushed off the track, the wheels got stuck and the car overturned, which is not good news for the inmates of the car. But they did absoerb half the forces of impact.

It was greatly inspiring to see this one hour presentation and made me realize that it is all the more vital to create. If we have a job that lets us create on a daly or even a weekly basis, what more can we ask for. Perhaps, thats why I prefer being an Architect any day over a Verification Engineer. :) However, not many chances to create on my side. Looks like that still needs me to pile up years of experience. Hmm...

True Success

There is only one success in life - that is to live your life the way you want to.

I don't know who said that or remember where I actually came across that statement. But there could not be a statement that has moved me more.

I wish that I had the courage to live by that. There is probably 1% percent of the entire population that lives by that law, at least in India. Still one wishes one could actually practice that and be part of that lucky few.

But it does take a lot of balls to do it. I am mostly bogged down by the money factor. What if I pursue photograpy or writing or ad making and I dont make enough money. What if I am not good enough at it? What then? And however much I may deny it, I cannot claim that I am totally free from society's influences. No one is. If we were, words like power, prestige and status would be truly non-existant. I think that gypsies and hippies are probably the only people who can really live that way ignorant or impervious of all the worldly influences.

Life is too small to waste away only working all the time. I do like my work on at least 40% of the days that I am working right now. Which is actually quite good a ratio. But even then, work is not the end of the world. There is so much to experience, so much to see, so much to travel, so much adventure that can be had...

I have always wondered that it is the people who have all the money that dont have any time to actually enjoy it and it is the people who have all the great plans for enjoyment that dont have the money to do so. In that way, I think some how God plays its hand in making everyone ultimately equal. I wish I could find that fine niche where I have just enough work to make just enough money, yet grow professionally, and yet have enough time to do all the travel and do all the adventure sports that are always on my todo list. Hmm... a tall order indeed.

Ten years from now, I dont want to look back and say, oh well I should have done that and that and that. Ten years from now, I want to say, oh wow!, I have done so much; now its time to take the next step....hmm

Only time will tell. And I hope that I am pro-active and sit up and take notice and change my path when I need to and not just dull my senses and become oblivious to everything and then realize one day that it is too late.

A little hand and a Hoola-Hoop

Scene - Mayo Hall Junction, MG Road

Time - around 9:00 a.m. every weekday

I'm sitting snug in the driver's seat of my swift waiting for the light to go green. Its a long traffic signal; so, doing my bit to reduce global warming, I switch off the engine.

A little girl comes and stands in the space between a couple of cars. She brings out a small hoola hoop (that ring through which they can wriggle through and do some tricks, if I am mistasken with the name). An even younger boy, of maybe six-seven years, holds in his hand a rough contraption that could double as a drum for lack of anything better. And he starts beating it. No rhythm to speak of, but just some background music to help provide an ambience to the girl's performance.

The girl begins her performance. A few cartwheels and somersaults. Then she wriggles through the hoop by twisting her body through it (the hoop is extremely small you see). A short forty second performance. The traffic light is red for about 120 seconds. She has to complete her routine in that time. After that, both the kids walk around to each car and tap the glasses of the cars asking the driver or the co passenger for some small alms.

The girl makes a very sorry face. Sometimes, I give in and hand over a few coins. ( Generally, we dont think twice to pay 200 bucks for a multiplex ticket nowadays. But, now suddenly the few coins seems like an amount to reckon with. ) Now, this kid is pretty intelligent. If I hand over a few coins one day, the next few days she wont even ask you. She actually remembers your face.

Now am I stingy, I reflect? A wave of guilt washes over me. At her age, I was a happy kid with no cares in the world and spent worry free days in a great school and cosy evenings at home. At the same age, these kids actually had to work to fend for themselves. To get a square meal. No parents to provide for them probably.

Their courage was admirable. They had no other choice. Or did they? Had they been offered a seat in some government school which they ran away from? Maybe she felt the skills (of education) were of no use to her in her life. At the end of the day, she still needed a meal to survive the night and see the light of day tomorrow. Or then again, maybe she did not even know the concept of a school. I would never know. I only knew that by giving in to her pleadings and giving her money, I was encouraging her to continue this. Maybe now it was ok. But what ten twenty years from now? Continue with this forever. But the next ten years is probably far from her mind. She would probably think as far ahead as dinner for the night. Period. Then again, if I didn't give her the money, someone else would. She wouldn't be convinced into dropping this just because I refused. This was pointless.

I continue the same routine to this day. Sometimes I oblige, on others I just ignore her. Simply because I cannot decide which is the best course of action. I remember the time when there used to be a kid hanging in front of the National College, Jayanagar Coffee Day. This kid would try to extract money from the clientele of the cafe by making up a melancholy face and an excuse of not having eaten for the last twenty four hours. At first, I felt sorry for him. But then, i noticed on the second or third time that the kid was actually acting. He could change between his real mood (which was quite happy and satisfied) to a tear-stricken face in the blink of an eye. He knew from experience that the sorry face would get more takers. This chap was also equally street smart. He would always zero in on the female clientele about to enter Coffee Day. He knew that girls had a softer heart and were more likely to reward him earlier. He would even shed a year or two while he beseeched that he hadn't had a decent meal all day and tug on the girl's shirt or jeans until she relented from sympathy or just to get rid of the clinging boy. Once my friend Satya tried to be I don't know which, a saint or a wise ass. He asked the kid why he was not going to school and offered to personally enroll him somewhere. The kid retorted -

' If you get me something to eat from that bakery, do it and I'll be thankful. But i don't need your advise' - in kannada.

Satya relented and bought him a bun to eat. So the point is, maybe the kid was too comfortable in his role now. It definitely beat sitting in a school and learning something which he would probably see as useless. But I guess, at that age, if I had been given a choice, I might have decided against studying too.

Finally, the point of this article - well I guess I dont know what is the point. I was just trying to fit into the shoes of those kids. They may not be sad and depressed. For them, seeing a meal at the end of the day might bring the same amount of joy as buying a spanking mobile phone for me. But that's beside the point. They deserve more than that. I thank my stars for having had a good life till now and it makes me believe in the concept of Karma to some extent. But for now, I promise myself that when I have more money, I will definitely do something to make the lives of such kids better, so that they can have a brighter future. Wishful thinking, but I have hope and faith in myself to do something good for others.

On a High!

Well, didn't know about this combination until recently. Came down with fever and my mom handed me some new tablet to fight the fever. I don't know if it did, but the combination of this fever and this new tablet definitely gave me a very pleasant high. And its pretty long lasting. So now I have discovered a new and free way of getting high. It has a better effect than beer too! And on top of that, if you have someone special to keep you company and some really good music; well what more can you ask for especially on a weekend when you are bored anyway.

Move over Mallya, it is the days of the infectious bacteria. Fly the good times while firmly rooted on the ground.

Architecture @ Nvidia?

They pay a shit load of money for a fresher out of college although it has to be a college of outstanding repute. My manager tells me she hand picked for her team after going through 50 resumes of all the NCGs (New College Graduates). The food is great as they say. We have free lunch and breakfast. A break room always stacked with cornflakes, biscuits, tropicana juices, bread, butter, chakkalis, cool drinks and hot beverages, fresh fruits and recently, they also added pastries to the break room. Did I forget to add additional snacks in the evening on alternate days, also for free. And Non veg for lunch atleast twice a week.

My mom says, they are looking after you better than me, you better work sincerely. Meanwhile I have such a light workload that I am leaving early on half the days for salsa, and come late on the other half because I go for a swim in the morning. And if that doesn't suffice, I also have the option of doing Yoga on mondays, wednesdays and fridays since we get an in-house instructor. And while the back-end teams are slogging their asses off staying late nights, being in the architecture team, I have to beg my manager for work.

Some people call this heaven... maybe I am a workaholic...

Nostalgia Part 2

A tribute to the four most wonderful years of my life 'studying' engineering at the hallowed portal NITK Surathkal...

Its not so much about the college but the great friends I made there, the crazy times we had there, the beautiful places we went to, everything was just so. Like enjoying a well done steak, the taste lingers for a long time. It saddens me deeply that this phase of my life is over and I have to become an adult with responsibilities. That totally sucks. Oh well, on a more philosphical note, all things good in life have to come to an end...

Remembering shenoy's spoonerisms and mispronunciations, his stupid smile and the shine in his eyes when he tells a white lie that it's practically a no-brainer to catch him at it, Sundi's goofy smile and his undying enthusiasm to reach the top of a a peak, to give Kandu hero poses for the camera so that he can show them off on orkut, Mabhi's shady dialogues and his blanket, his premature love for PZ, Bhattiem and his bhatru stomach, his gangster behaviour when he gets drunk, Raghav's fishy smile, his craze for all things that smell and look and feel Led Zep, Tanay with his oh so beautiful music and his Ibanez, his temper tantrums, Vyas with his craze for changing girlfriends, his sweet smile with which he escapes from his crimes, vada seller slap receiver, Nikhil and his sleep and F1 and his affinity for the 'high spirits' and 'smashing attitude', Su and his worsht jokes but amazing creativity, Sri ram and his always Im bored and the most popular guy on campus, Vikram and his jive moves, Brat and his literary genius, Bacat and his graphics eye candy and his all nighters, Rishi and his pranks, his mango face, his assumptions, lets pitch the tent on top of Chembra, Rasho and tongue sticking out photos, Russell Peters' and his 'Doggy Style'...

Me and my bathroom escapades, my long hair in the second hair from which lethal mistake I lost half my hair, getting shit scared on Chembra due to the wind, the early morning by the kabini reservoir by the tent with all the mist rising from the river, my first time getting sloshed at a placement party, getting smashed and being able to 'see' the music, all the headbanging at the concerts, the sun kissed sands of Gokarna, experiencing heaven at Munnar, discovering Floyd and Porcupine Tree and A Perfect Circle and Knopfler, the excruciating train rides to Calicut in the general compartment, trying to build a robot unsuccessfully, trying to coax music from my guitar...

And to all the laughter, all the worldly wisdom acquired, to all the pychedaelic moments, to all those brilliant times I played tennis with Sundi and Rasho, and discussed cuisines with Kulin, and his mom's delicious chocolate balls, falling in love with Salsa, to those lip-smacking steaks at Diesels, to the beautiful beach and light house in front of our campus, to digital logic and design which hopefully I won't tire out of within the next year, teaching electronics to Mechanical peers, Goa with Macy and Modi and Mithun and Nikhil, Lep zepplica with fish at IITM...

To Prison Break and Lost and Desu noto and 24, to The Blairwitch Project and Pulp Fiction and Fight Club and The Shawshank Redemption and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and all the mind blowing entertainment the LAN had to offer...

And to all those pains and sufferings - omnipresent water shortage, power failures and hence sleepless nights during the exams, the tepid mess 'food' in all its diabolical glory, the pain of being betrayed by people you trusted, the joy of rediscovering yourself and kicking back harder, the ligament tear and its aftermath, the heat and all the sweating, PSB announcing his voluntary retirement from service, getting our asses kicked for not paying enough attention to our final year project...

To all those moments that I hope I can remember for a very long time...

A humbling Police Encounter

By 'police encounter', I don't mean that some gun wielding policeman tried to finish me off instead of arresting me in order to avoid all the hassles and legalities of capturing me legit and trying me in a court of law. By Gawd, no! I am a God fearing, law abiding citizen. I had lost my driver's license and the RTO refused to issue me a duplicate without an acknowledgment from the police.

I dreaded going to the police station because I knew that they would try to fleece me off before they handed me the letter of acknowledgment. Maybe I would have to use up all my refunded caution deposit(all 6k of it) from college on these lathi wielding officers.

Anyway, I was accosted by a non liveried officer at the entrance of the station. Maybe he was just a clerk.

Me: Sir, I need to get a blah blah... and explained what I wanted
Officer/clerk: Where did you lose it?
Now I had really misplaced it at home itself. But even I knew that it would be a dumb thing to own up on the truth to this guy.

Me: I umm..., lost it in the Jayanagar swimming pool.
Gun wielding constable listening in on the conversation: You have to go to the Tilaknagar Police Station for that. The swimming pool is their jurisprudence. (Now of course, he wasn't using such fancy words, I'm only using them to impress my fellow readers about my vocabulary skills.)
Okay, they were at it now. Typical technique used to put you off. I was too lazy to go to Tilaknagar station you see, so I would be willing to bend some rules to get things done here itself. In short, give them money in exchange for getting it done here itself. I would be damned if I gave in to their play. And so was I damned.

Me: Sir, can't I get it done here itself somehow?
Officer/clerk: Nope. What are you doing by the way?
Me: I'm a student sir.
Officer/clerk: Besides, you need to get an affidavit to prove that you really lost the DL. That will cost you about a hundred bucks, so you might as well pay the amount here and rid yourself of the difficulties of making an affidavit.
So that was it took, a hundred bucks. I shouldn't stand upto all this corruption. I must fight it off. Give them a piece of my mind. Even if it means walking back home empty handed and facing the ire of my father. Or I could just pay him a hundred.

Me: Show me how it's done.
Officer: Right this way. I'll tell you what to write in the letter.
While we were sitting at his table and he dictated the letter to me: What are you studying?
Me: I just finished my Engineering sir, in Electronics.
Officer: Where?
Me: KREC sir, Surathkal.
Officer raises his eyebrows in admiration. Wow, this guy recognizes KREC. Boy, KREC rules. The college brand did bail me out on another occasion although I can't tell you that incident now.

Officer: So you looking for a job now?
Me: No sir, already got one.
Officer: How much they pay you?
Now, I'm going to get an obscene amount for a fresher at Nvidia, but I figured if he heard the amount, he would decide to fleece me more. So I played it safe.

Me: Oh, about three and a half to four lakhs.
Officer: Per month!!!
Me: Whoa, no way! Per annum sir.
Officer: You guys are well educated. Me, I'm just a tenth standard pass. Here, hand me the letter. You stay here while I get the signature from the Sub Inspector.
True to his word he gets the job done and hands over the letter to me. My hand goes to my back pocket to fish for the purse but he gives no signal for money. In fact he takes me to the Police Inspector and introduces me.

Officer: This here sir is THE software engineer.
The inspector grunts and goes back to what he is doing. Although I was offended for being labelled a Software Engineer(you see I am a Hardware Engineer), I took it in good stride. I thanked the officer/clerk for his help and left almost overwhelmed that I had accomplished the arduous task without spending a pie on bribery.

Maybe the police force was improving. Too early to tell. Anyway, I walked away with a spring in my step and hope in my heart.